offer a hug.

I’m all for quitting … just not when there is a disconnect between mind and body. This incongruence usually occurs with mental quitting leading the physical. It’s fine to quit running marathons after a marathon; it is not fine during. It’s fine to get divorced; it’s not fine to mentally check out of a marriage while still married. Sure, the mind can lead the body, can serve as an indication of what the body should eventually do, but you probably should catch your spiraling mindset while still in it..

The mind is aggressive in pushing us to quit or compound errors when there is zero benefit in doing so. You may not be happy with your golf play, but you truly gain nothing by giving up on a hole and “saving it for the back nine.” Nothing, that is, other than the relief from having to stay “locked in.” But when have you ever been unhappy with yourself for remaining “locked in”? When have you been displeased for preventing errors from compounding? Yes, you may not be at your best, and yes that may be legit disappointing, but don’t you want to be the type of person who can still summon it on days where you aren’t 100%? You do know that you usually will not be 100%, right?

1. Hurts your life in spirit
2. Gets progressively worse
3. Can’t stop doing it even though you know it’s not good for you

Person A has just told you something seriously bad or sad or difficult. You want to say something positive. You want the person to not feel alone. It’s those generous impulses that will lead you astray.

“I understand…

“A similar thing once happened to me…

“I can imagine…

These responses deny the uniqueness and depth of the issue. Person A has been thinking about whatever this thing is for countless hours and you think you instantly comprehend? At some point, it may be prudent to express understanding and solidarity, but almost never after an initial reveal.

HERE

to what you most enjoy blaming people for: it’s probably an area where you enjoy giving yourself credit. For if something is not blameworthy, doing its opposite is not creditworthy.

less an indication of lacking skills than it is the simple indication that you care about whatever is to follow.

known as an employee who takes notes, you probably are filling time trying to do something valuable, you probably aren’t, and you probably should be fired/your job shouldn’t exist.

to always let another car in. Even if you are late. Even if you are tired.

There are places to get mad at others. This is not one of those places. By being selfish you save yourself, what, 10 seconds all while capitulating to unreasonable anger. Instead, show reasonable mental equanimity and train yourself to care about what actually matters.

All men are terrible.

All women are manipulative.

There are no good guys out there.

Women don’t know what they want.

Etc.

It’s easier to be angry than sad.