His mouth moving soundlessly, a doomed fish in the bottom of a boat.


He would. Just as soon as he got the kid to eat, he would go into the bathroom and close the door and lift the tank lid quietly and pull the bottle from the water and let it drop over the tank to keep from getting the floor and he would take one good slug, that was all he needed, just enough to still the fluttering in his chest and quiet the basketball sneakers squeaking in his head, one drink and then he would get on with it, him and Jason the two of them moving though the world alone, the boy’s mother nowhere to be seen for two days now—or was it three?—and Bruce would limit himself to that one good solid medicinal slug of vodka and no more, and then he would, today, love his son a little less imperfectly.


Babs despised wanting help, but worse than that was feeling surprised by the need.

 


Babs look down and saw Jason had released her hand, and sure enough, that treasonous hand trembled visibly on the tabletop next to the crusts of her sandwich.


Pleas for mercy quivered on a frequency he could not hear.


The Man moved his right hand to pop the latch on the glove box—and the Statie saw there was nothing in there except the registration.

“Have you any idea how fast you were going?”
“Ninety-five.”

“On the nose. What’s your hurry?”
“I thought that was the speed limit.”


 

She knew Rita had heard the doorbell and she would not effectively plead with her to answer by ringing it again. This, more than anything, was Babs’s great strength—patience, rooted in an unshakable self-confidence.


knowing the rise was coming but not when, and that was the key to the whole thing, the inevitability of what crossed with the uncertainty of when.


It was as if her sister was at the bottom of a well so deep that sound could not reach her, and she’d been down there so long she’d lost any hope of rescue.


horror beyond language and thus beyond comprehension or utterance, the same ancient, adrenal horror experienced by the lobster held over a roiling pot, the elk when the wolf’s teeth sink in, The Marine pinned down by automatic fire in a shallow mortar hole, trying to press herself into and somehow through the dirt, screaming in a tongues for deliverance. Horror eternal, unchanged by millennia, and if you should ever be lucky enough to feel it yourself you will know, finally and forever, what it is to be truly alive.


everybody wants to make damn sure you don’t get the idea you’re meant for bigger things.


This was grief far beyond tears, a mind-erasing sadness.

 


all communicating in some language unknown to Lori, a primitive tongue accessible only to those who had lost their minds.


There’s always a reason, and it always falls into one of two categories: passion, or profit.


I am here to tell you that life, as it’s actually lived, does not fit into your neat little black-and-white categories. And I ask you, please, to stop being so certain of what I am and am not, what I ahve and have not endured. If you look at  me and see a white woman, that’s your mistake.


“Ma’am, I don’t want any trouble.”
“No one ever does, and yet it finds us anyway.”


This is the only promise God makes. Not that we will have love, or riches, or health, or even life everlasting—that’s all conditional. The one thing He promises us, without requiring anything from us, is suffering. It’s our true birthright. When Simone and the baby died, and I saw the form my suffering would take, I made the only choice I could—to not suffer alone.


No one had ever loved Babs that way, insistently, without fear or expectation.


 

She took a breath as if the question was something she had to swim under.


“You’re out of bed.”

“Yes,” I said. To be human is to state the obvious. Repeatedly, over and over, until the end of time.


If you wanted to get someone on your side, what you really had to do was relieve their pain.


She seemed to be continually operating above the task she was doing. A melody, rising above the rhythm.


Because the possibility of pain is where love stems from.


I have to admit that humans waste a lot of their time—almost all of it—with hypothetical stuff. I could be rich. I could be famous. I could have been hit by that bus. I could have been born with fewer moles or bigger breasts. I could have spent more of my youth learning foreign languages. They must exercise the conditional tense more than any other known life-form.

(more…)

Care What Others Think

Shame and pride are useful motivators in getting you to be who you most want to be. If you don’t care what others think, you don’t get these boosts. The person with a phone screen “blinder” understands his addled cycles of e-mail to weather to news to messages is shameful… but has opted out of shame-based boosts.

Thrasher // Feb ’26

Addiction is the narrowing of things that bring you pleasure.

-Gus Gordon

You know when you offer somebody some food, and they make a face? Maybe it’s not the most appealing looking. Maybe it’s the hummus or baba ghanoush for the first time. And they’re like, What is that that? It’s chickpeas. It’s eggplant. You ask them, “Have you ever had it?” That’s the contempt prior to investigation. You gotta remain curious and open.

just approaching skateboarding with more grace. It was like, Okay, it’s not working. Just take a second, drink some water, reapproach in like five minutes. There’s no rush. I think there’s that thing with skateboarders where we punish ourselves, like, I’m not allowed to drink water until I land it. All that crazy shit. But if I drink water, it’ll probably help.

-Sage Ellsesser

2025: Things

Movies

  • Nirvana the Band the Show the Movie
  • Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning
  • The Peanut Butter Falcon
  • The Paper Chase
  • One Battle After Another

Books

  • The Merchant and the Alchemist’s Gate // Ted Chiang
  • The Lincoln Highway // Amor Towles
  • The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet // David Mitchell

(more…)

It was because it meant nothing and you never expected anyone who mattered to read it that you were free to say unconsciously truthful things.


And people who would do anything for power can’t believe that the IF, with more power than anybody, might really refrain from using it.


He recognized that his impulse to be boastful was the result of fear—no one knew him here, and so he wanted to assert his abilities as a means of winning respect.


No sentence that begins, “You Americans,” is going to end productively.


Think what it means to take a test in a class. They say they’re giving us problems that we’re supposed to solve. But that’s never true, is it? Because they give us problems to which the solutions are already known. That’s why they’re able to give us grades. So all you do in classroom tests is solve problems that have already been solved.


Do I have honor?

I do if I want it. All I have to do is keep my word.

No, I have to mean my promises when I make them. When I say I’ll do something, I mean to do it, and then I do it. That’s honor. Not to give your word unless you can keep it, unless you intend to keep it. To be the kind of person who, when they say they’ll do a thing, the other people can go about their business because that job is as good as done.

I refuse to

take easy wins. Why?

There is something in me that revolts at taking help when it’s the type of help everyone else would take. “Here, this is the way to study…” If nobody was going to take this advice, or if it required real effort to gain this advice, I would be open to it. But if a bunch of kids are raising their hands and asking the same question, I can’t stand being seen alongside them. You need help, but not me!

It’s fine to hold yourself to a higher standard if you can actually win under normal conditions. But if you are finishing 7th by your “higher standard,” you might wanna check if that standard is truly higher. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism that guarantees you never have to take a loss.

A lot of this comes back to wanting so badly to be different from everyone else. Different needs. Different desires. Different standards. Hard vs. soft. Overindexed on all this stuff.

Mila Kunis

Don’t make permanent decisions on temporary feelings.

Travel Bible

  1. Always take the stairs
  2. Twenty-min workouts matter
  3. Daily smoothie
  4. Deprioritize Uber: you shouldn’t be in such a rush that you can’t take the more natural route (e.g., walking, train). Seeing how a population moves as actually more important than seeing some tourist attraction you are rushing to see.

Freedom from Freedom

We need freedom from freedom in a world brimming with a level of temptation no human was evolved to navigate. Of course every student *feels* the endless buzz of electronic distraction, and nobody seems to dispute the literature declaring the superiority of handwritten notes, and yet we still can’t help ourselves in continuing to employ electronics. So please save us from ourselves and ban electronics in class. You will help us learn better, gain more of our attention—currently wasted on iMessage, YouTube, etc—and maybe even assist us in finding some peace in a world increasingly devoid of it.

But maybe you find this unpersuasive. After all, this is America, land of the free, home of the brave, and these are smart adults using their own free will however they damn well please—if they want to sabotage their attention, so be it. Yet this is not a victimless crime. Consider how a single cell phone lighting up in a dark movie theater draws attention from more than a single person. So just as people can’t “choose” to avoid breathing in secondhand smoke, diligent non-laptop students can’t well “choose” to avoid the TikTok video that crosses their vision due to the single laptop student and his inability to focus on your lectures.