You’ve decided to leave your children $0. Or not. Either way, you certainly want them properly developed such that they need not be left anything. So how does one “let kids be kids” while also cultivating a confident, independent resourcefulness in them?

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Pillar One: Take pride in being quite competent in many, many domains. Sounds obvious… until you recall how the world dispenses prestige. It’s a dinner party with well-educated professionals casually bragging about their lives. By accepting Pillar One, you are accepting that these guests will likely have you beat. They will flaunt social currency that you don’t have, and what you do have won’t be as valuable. “That’s cool you fixed the garbage disposal. I had my maid do it when mine broke. By the way, I just made president! Look at my new Porsche.” Without true belief in Pillar One, it will be all too easy to surrender your values and compete with this fuck on his terms.

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You thought last year was a one-time thing, didn’t you? Wrong! Happy Father’s Day 2025!

For whatever reason, my mind associates you with this holiday. Part of the association, sure, is you losing your father. I think about that loss, and I hope you are doing as well as you can with it. But also there’s that still-vivid image of you being a father in your backyard with xxxxxxxxx in his karate outfit. There is xxxxxxxxx: man, father, husband, strong and vulnerable, and trying to do what is right.

Of course basically everyone is trying to do what is right… but some think more deeply, try a little harder, and are more open to discussing their uncertainties about what, exactly, defines “right.” Package these distinct behaviors together, and future efforts will likely improve. Never to perfect, obviously. Never guaranteed to be linear either. Just an overall arc that justifiably induces pride.

You would not have been proud if xxxxxxxxx was in the sixsome (!!!) golfing in front of me at xxxxxxxxx a few Sundays ago. The course is slammed. And even if it wasn’t, the fact that I’m waiting to hit should be a blaring signal to (a) break up the group or (b) let me to play through. The sixsome chooses to (c) ignore everyone but themselves.

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In 1950, the average GPA at Harvard was estimated at 2.6 out of 4. By 2003, it had risen to 3.4. Today, it stands at 3.8.

The more elite the college, the more lenient the standards. At Yale, for example, 80% of grades awarded in 2023 were As or A minuses. But the problem is also prevalent at less selective colleges. Across all four-year colleges in the United States, the most commonly awarded grade is now an A.

Here

You shall do wrong unto others and others shall do wrong unto you. And these opposing wrongs will become your chains. The wrongs you have done unto others will be bound to you in the form of guilt, and the wrongs that others have done unto you in the form of indignation. The teachings of Jesus are there to free you from both. To free you from your guilt through atonement and from your indignation through forgiveness. Only once you have freed yourself from both of these chains may you begin to live your life with love in your heart and serenity in your step.

Time is that which God uses to separate the idle from the industrious. For time is a mountain and upon seeing its steep incline, the idle will lie down among the lilies of the field and hope that someone passes by with a pitcher of lemonade. What the worthy endeavor  requires is planning, effort, attentiveness, and the willingness to clean up.

For what is kindness but the performance of an act that is both beneficial to another and unrequired? There is no kindness in paying a bill. There is no kindness in getting up at dawn to slop the pigs, or milk the cows, or gather eggs from the henhouse. For that matter, there is no kindness in making dinner, or in cleaning the kitchen after your father heads upstairs without so much as a word of thanks.

There is no kindess in lathcing the doors and turning out the light, or in picking up the clothes from the bathrrom floor in order to put them in the hamper. There is no kindness in taking care of a household because your only sister had the good sense to get herself married and move to Pensacola.

Nope, I said to myself while climbing into bed and switching off the light, there is no kindness in any of that.

For kindness begins where necessity ends.

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To detect your own shortcomings, it can be helpful to witness them in others. You start with judgment: Look at that kid next to me on a plane switching between iPad games every three minutes; he can’t even finish a single level in a maximally stimulating artificial world before jumping to something new. You feel better than. You are right to despise this behavior. And then. And then. Wait a second… Don’t I do something like that too? Maybe not as egregious, but categorically similar. I start a podcast and jump to a different one. Or start in a podcast and decide to go with music instead. I’m in such a rush to pierce the silence that I click buttons before thinking.

1. Let’s start pausing before acting
2. Let’s force ourselves to stick with our decisions
3. Doing either #1 or #2 habitualizes both items

They’ll keep repeating it: Just be yourself. If the repetition commences before you enter the snake pit that is teenage social hierarchies, the advice will seem banal. How could I be anything but myself? Why would I even try to be anything else? Once in the snake pit, the encouragement will feel not banal but dumb and impossible. Don’t these people understand that to stand out is to open oneself to ostracization?

Enter Be confident. Another oft-repeated phrase without deep thinking attached. Here’s some deep thinking. Your mom has one form of confidence; your dad has another; and both are important forms.

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Some weeks ago, you noticed that something might be off with my front right tire… and boy were you correct: tire separation. Just got all four replaced before those trash ones you spotted exploded. So thanks for your sharp eye—you may have saved my life!

Boy how nice it is to be in an establishment where no music is being played. Just the sounds of humanity.

I would win and be doing interviews and then I’d come home to my hotel and be completely alone.

Soon enough, the world will become loud and overwhelming. All these well-intentioned people telling you what to do and how to do it which partially sends the message that you don’t know what you are doing. And sure, there’s much to learn in youth. But also, adults can learn from you; your age provides vision behind doors adults don’t even know exist. Furthermore, you are the future, so however much adults might disapprove of Generation Alpha’s actions, those actions will indeed grow to dominate.

Therefore, I want to learn from you. But maybe you don’t want to teach. Maybe you see me as competition. Maybe for that aforementioned domination to optimally occur, it’s best to keep your insights tightly locked within your mind. Ok, ok, ok. The negotiation has already begun. Fine.

Does it gain me anything to compliment your father? What if I say he’s outstanding at living his values? It’s true. He pays attention. He finds ways to translate his political views into everyday actions such that even non-adherents find value. Like riding bikes instead of taking an Uber. Like planting trees as a gift. Like generously cooking instead of caving to capitalism’s pressures of convenience.

What if I tell you your mum is so sweet, so pleasant to be around, so quick to laugh, but also so able to express deep intelligence without coming across as better than? Does that gain me anything? It does? Really? Nicceeeeeee.

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