4.15.20 Rule HJ8945

Citizen 78998238733209497832631265872334793274932

Citizen 56263648733420979312047132907213901279737


Pre-4.15.20 Rule HJ8945, you would have been afforded understanding and sympathy when the world’s winds blew against you. While it’s true that there are always people worse off, it’s just as true that there are always people better off. In moments of challenge, it’s easier to default to the latter perspective – I’m not as smart as person X, I’m not as healthy as person Y, I’m not as charismatic as person Z, etc. – to make failure palatable. And we, the rest of the world, were okay with this arrangement. Key word there is “were.” Please notice that it is in past tense, for the world’s okayness officially expired with the passage of 4.15.20 Rule HJ8945 and your excuses, however legitimate, will no longer be tolerated.

If this is news to you, your confusion is quite understandable. It was only a few months ago that under the leadership of King World XVIII[1] a decision[2] was made to finally deal with The Luck Conundrum.[3] Even those who fought the Free Will Battles[4] on the side of free will begrudgingly admit (usually) that chance plays an outsized role in human flourishing. And those on the NOFW side begrudgingly admit (usually) that filling humans with a sense of agency is beneficial. Hence, The Luck Conundrum.

Given the complexity of the issue, King World XVIII’s ruling did not deal with all the ins-and-outs of the subject, but did actually do something:[5]

Since there are limited sympathy resources and since there is a cap on the number of times, “Well, you can’t really blame her. If I had her genes and her parents – all things she didn’t control – I’d do exactly the same thing,” can be uttered before nihilism ensues, excuses from those who are married shall no longer be accepted.

Personally, I thought this was a bit extreme. Then again, who am I? Just an inhabitant of this great planet, a planet filled with people who can’t possibly agree with me on everything.[6] Then, with some time and proper perspective, I came to see King World XVIII’s wisdom.

The logic goes something like behind every great man is a great woman and behind every great woman is a great man. This doesn’t mean that single people are incapable or that single people can’t pull off stunning feats that seem great – this type of stuff routinely occurs.[7] Greatness in the GMGWGWGM sense is all about potential. Let’s just say that the multiverse is real, that “versions” of xxxxxxxxx are simultaneously living out all possible lives. These lives will exist on a spectrum of well-being: many versions are depressed and miserable, many other versions are joy-filled and content. To an outsider, some “bad” versions will still appear to be doing impressive things. With multiverse omniscience, though, it is clear that all the best versions, as measured by xxxxxxxxx’s subjective flourishing,[8] emerge in the presence of a life partner. Thus, beyond gene/environment edges, the life partner edge is so potent we dare go beyond merely pointing out the correlation and declare that LPE must be causal.

The explanation is tidy enough. While we are selfish creatures, we also strangely lack motivation and discipline to truly push ourselves to selfish extremes in isolation. Like, true selfishness dictates that you’d want to learn everything about what food to eat because you want to be healthy. Of course this doesn’t happen in practice. One may say it’s laziness or complexity or busyness or whatever. This makes sense … for a brief moment. That moment passes upon seeing the same person, with the same frailties, poring over medical texts in the face of responsibility that demands nutritional knowledge.

There is no greater responsibility than love. As the NOFWs would say You have no choice in the matter. If you have love, you will have a binding sense of duty. This truth is what underpins she makes me a better man. Quite simply, living any part of your life for someone else is the ultimate performance enhancer.

King World XVIII believes this. Nobody could really offer a cogent rebuttal. And so it is that the world will still listen to your problems and perhaps even attempt to comfort you in trying times, but these kind gestures will now always be done knowing that if there’s anyone who doesn’t deserve precious emotional resources, it’s people riding on GMGWGWGM fuel.

So while learning of King World XVIII’s ruling may seem harsh, it’s nothing less than a congratulations for the events of October 12, 2019[9]  when, bound by the powers of an officiant possessing great power, you two wisely opted into a collective life path likely to yield significant benefit.

Whenever his minions complain about being asked to do too much, King World XVIII is fond of writing, “Nothing in life is better than being needed.”[10] When times get tough,[11] remember to lean extra hard into your edge, into the ability to be better with each other that you would have been otherwise. If you do that, you should be more than fine with the world’s attention now forcefully focused elsewhere.

[1] Nicer than XVII, but not nearly as cute.

[2] This story was grossly underreported. It appears loud voices are capturing all of the world’s attention and King World XVIII relies solely on unflashy prose. There are some who believe he suffers from a rare disease that prevents him from speaking more than 300 words per day. Whatever the case, there’s little doubt that his unique disposition has helped turn Summits into cordial, thoughtful affairs – a sharp contrast to the aura most craved by the media and its blood-lusting consumers.

[3] Unresolved since about 4500 BCE.

[4] The best iteration obviously being Vol. 13.

[5] Instead of just talking about doing something. Given all the talking and lack of doing in other forums, forums not run by the great King World XVIII, it makes one wonder if King World XVIII is special, or if everyone else doesn’t actually want to do anything, for then they’d have nothing to talk/rally/complain about. Loose, loose analogy from James Murphy:

‘Cause you’re afraid of what you need

Yeah, you’re afraid of what you need

If you weren’t, if you weren’t

I don’t know what we’d talk about

[6] And if they did, yea, that would end a lot frustration, but that wouldn’t be very fun, right?

[7] e.g., Eminem was divorced during the creation of The Eminem Show.

[8] Which will often, but not always, match the world’s view of flourishing.

[9] Congrats on your first year of marriage!

[10] Pretty sure he plagiarized this from Caitlin Flanagan, but who’s checking?

[11] And they will.